hey, relax

just the other day, my girlfriend told me that they say it's healthier when people are total sluts in their sex dreams. and i realized that i am a total fucking PRUDE in my dreams. beyond prude. i'm like permanently programmed in PG-13. i mean, i don't even feel comfortable calling them sex dreams; they are THAT far from being anything that's even remotely exciting. they're totally prepubescent dreams. it's like i'm still an 11 year old dreaming about Uncle Jesse in Full House. heh...that was such a good dream.

plus, this makes me realize there must be something deeper holding me back. some constructs created from my childhood or something. and maybe it's holding me back in life too...in my enjoyment of life and in achieving my goals. and THAT, people, is no good. no good at all.

me having dreams tamer than what they can show on network television is pathetic and i'm going to do something about it! so i'm going to try lucid dreaming again. i had this book in high school that taught me about it, and after some practice, had really focused my mind to recognize when i was dreaming. a few times i was able to stay asleep (i would often wake up) after the realization.

i am putting my intention out there to relax and have more fun in my dreams. why deny? no. i'm TAKING what i want...i mean, it's a freaking dream!!! nothing can go wrong -- it's all in your head! everyone should try this!!

I think this will be a good exercise in life too. you know...the going after what you want part. not...being a slut. necessarily.